While growing up in Daytona Beach–the world’s most famous beach–I learned quickly that to succeed in life, I had to develop confidence.  Regardless of what anyone else said, I knew this word needed to be a major part of my vocabulary in order for me to achieve any measure of success. 

From the age of 11, I always thought my nose was too big and wanted a sharper nose.  I used to look in the bathroom mirror and feel bad about myself, because I did not yet have the confidence to know that God gave me this nose for a reason–nor did I recognize that I was still undergoing additional growth.  Back then, I was even picked on and called names by some of the same people who today write to me saying, “I’m proud of you.” 

Despite any negativity, obstacles, and injustices, though, I was determined to “be someone.”  By the time I turned 12, my sixth-grade teacher, Ms. Daisy Williams from Hollywood Elementary School, said four words to me: “You make things happen.” 

In that moment, I glimpsed what I had to offer to myself and to the world.  She didn’t say it to any other student but me.  I’m reminded of the character Ms. Celie from The Color Purple.  She was considered black and ugly, but as she gained inner strength, she became the most beautiful woman in the world.   We are
who we are.

Confidence is a word that carries a lot of power.  Confidence is a word with attitude.  Confidence carries with it a feeling of “hallelujah,” because when you have confidence, it jump-starts the getting of wisdom.  To draw upon the magic of Mary Poppins, “Super-cala-fragalistic-let me take my medicine” — for your daily dose of confidence is just as important as your spoonful of flax seed oil or Omega-3s.

Some people are stuck in a vicious circle, however. Those who lack self-confidence find success more elusive.  As I well know, from the moment we face our reflection in a mirror, we begin to criticize that reflection; not satisfied with what we see.  And worse still, we may make unkind comparisons which only deepen our dissatisfaction, instill negativity, and breed insecurity.

Sadly, a lot of people are never told that they’re beautiful by their parents.  But a kind and loving word from a grandparent or other relative can bridge that gap.

Sadly, a lot of people are not embraced with the grace to make them feel accepted despite their imperfections.  But in life, we should take the imperfectness out of mankind and see it perfectly that we are all God’s creatures. 

Sadly, we must go up against those who do not embrace the “you can do it” lifestyle.  They would rather belittle you, make you small, and try to steal your power for their own personal growth, instead of encouraging and making mankind stronger.

Sadly, people run in circles all their lives because they see imperfections in themselves instead of ways to develop greater strength.  It is well known in the fashion industry that models will stir up drama and speak cattily about each other.  Another mistake models make is when they jump from agent to agent as if to find the “perfect” representative–or someone else to blame for their shortcomings–when what is lacking is a deeper sense of confidence in themselves.  Bottom line: You need to own it and grow it.

Let me give you an example of the challenging nature
of building confidence.

When my son was playing football at the age of fifteen, people literally walked all over him.  They didn’t give him the time of day.  Instead of actively getting in the game, he was left to carry the bag of balls when it was over. 

One day after a game, I could see in his eyes that he wanted to be treated just like the rest of the players.  But he was lacking the confidence to make it happen.  I realized then it was my job to instill what was missing.  I took it upon myself to attend all his games and study his football workouts for important clues. 

Although I was not a football expert, I knew the drills and designed a new regimen just for my son.  I would wake him up at 5:00 A.M. and take him running on the beach.  I chose the cold dry sand of Venice Beach because I knew the resistance of the sand would make him train harder, and ultimately he would become faster. 

And because I didn’t want him to feel like he was alone, I did the workout with him.  Even if I got it wrong, my participation in his growth was all-important.  This was a critical time for him, and
I knew it. 

As we ran together, he would look over at me, and my presence gave him confidence … as if he could read the signal from me that it was “A-OK, you’re going to make it.”   And when I looked back at him, I felt confident that he got the message. 

After three months of these extreme training sessions, the so-called “bag boy” who carried the balls after the game became the number-one wide receiver for Beverly Hills High School.  Imagine my joy each Wednesday at seeing my son’s name highlighted in the Los Angeles Times as a leading player in the game … and in two short years, he became the leading wide receiver at UC Davis.

The drive to greatness was already instilled in my son.  But achieving greatness is a different story ~ one drafted in dreams but written with commitment, and a process not without pain.

Now I look at my life and I know that God has given me the gift to plant seeds in people who may not have fully developed their confidence or a support system.  No matter how powerful we stand, we are all faced with insecurities and inner doubts which may need a strong counter-balance from time to time.  In truth, we do not stand alone, but depend on each other surely as the roots of each tree are needed to support a forest.

Being a model requires not only an extreme force of confidence and a competitive nature, but also a cooperative nature.  You need not be born with these qualities, but somehow you must develop them.  As with any endeavor, you need to recognize strength and weakness.  Where you are strong, maintain that strength.  Where you have room for growth, seek out those individuals who can inspire and guide you to develop the confidence you lack.  Develop an edge so that you stand out, but also know when to take a step back and allow yourself to be steered by those you trust.

That is why in the fashion world, it is essential that you embrace the heart of the individual who is representing you as your agent, manager or other support system and allow them to take the lead … while focusing on building confidence borne out of
acceptance for yourself.

Looking back at the past 24 years I’ve enjoyed in the industry, I’ve challenged myself to continually learn and grow, and recognize that I still have a long road ahead of me.  But it doesn’t mean I won’t get there.  We all have a purpose; we just need to be smart enough to recognize our purpose and then not be afraid to pursue it with all our heart, despite any opposition.

I always tell people if you woke up this morning, you’re already successful.  So spend more time believing in yourself and shoring up that belief as a strong foundation for all the wins to come.  What gives me confidence and glory is when others doubt mankind and I become the believer. I like to take the self-doubting individual by the hand and say, “Come on, let’s go.” 

To all you readers, I want you to do this at this very moment.  Pause.  Take both of your arms and embrace your heart.  Wrap them around your body and say, “I love me and I will win.”  Then pause.  Say, “Thank you, Father, for me.” 

In addition to holding an attitude of gratitude, another secret to success is to feel the driving force of love.  Reigniting your passion for your own journey helps give you the fire to ignite other people, to see inside others’ hearts, and to inspire a shared vision of success.  In turn, after you have reached your desired level of success, be sure to give back by offering others a helping hand.  This way, the
circle is unbroken.

To help you live with your dreams and put them into action, I encourage you to:

 bullets Always keep your eyes on what’s important to you. 

 bullets Don’t worry about what the next-door neighbor says about 
        you because 9 cases out of 10, they’re going through the
        same thing as you, just with a different face.

 bullets Seek in your heart to make life better for those who stand
        before you; this will make your heart more graceful.

 bullets Be willing to give another person confidence, because it 
        doesn’t always have to be about you. 

 bullets Embrace who you are, and say to yourself, “God
        doesn’t make mistakes.” 

 bullets Most importantly, never doubt yourself, or allow
        another’s doubt to cloud your dream just because 
        misery loves company.

If I did not practice these principles, I wouldn’t be who I am today.  I deeply thank my sixth-grade teacher, Ms. Daisy Williams, for giving me those unforgettable four words of encouragement: “You make things happen.”  For on that day, when I came home from school, I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “I totally got it.” 

Now when I see my reflection, I feel very complete.  I’ve come to realize that yes, I am a handsome man and, thankfully, I know myself much better now.  In fact, at this very point in my life, I have something to say to ya’ll:  I love my nose!  It’s the most beautiful thing that God has ever given me.  I am confident, I am secure, and I love myself.

So I say to you again:  You are you.  So embrace any challenges you may face and see them as opportunities to help you gain confidence to better stride in style ~ and to live your dreams today.  You are a masterpiece, even if you don’t know it … yet.

 

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